Take the Next Step: How to Make Connections
Making connections can sometimes feel overwhelming. Everyone's afraid of rejection to some extent- even those who are usually confident. Fear of rejection, along with an uncertainty about where to begin, may be the biggest obstacles to forging new relationships. To start expanding your community of friends, think about what has helped you cultivate relationships in the past.
Next, answer the following questions:
- What common interests do you value in relationships? e.g. sports, music, values
- In which environments do you feel most comfortable having a conversation? e.g.small groups, academic settings
- Name some people in your life you'd like to know better.
- What do you have to lose by putting yourself out there? What could you gain?
Think about how you communicate with strangers and with people you know. Different levels of self-disclosure help build different levels of connections.
Level 1: Greetings
Ritual greetings like, "How are you?" and "What's new?" reveal an openness to conversation. This can be useful with causal friends in class/work or with someone you've just met.
Level 2: Basic Information
Information such as where you're from or what you do for fun let's you explore and deepen a connection with a roommate, college, or acquaintance. This level communicates a desire to get to know someone better and gives them more insight into what you're all about.
Level 3: Opinions and Values
Revealing personal opinions, preferences, and attitude strengthens your connection with others. Sharing thoughts on an especially challenging class, research project, or critiquing the latest Quentin Tarantino movie are a couple of examples. At this level, we enjoy more vigorous and in-depth conversations about what we believe and who we are.
Level 4: Deep Conversation
The most difficult conversations involved revealing emotions and exploring sensitive topics. Though it can be uncomfortable, these disclosures give others a more meaningful sense of who you are and what's meaningful to you.
It's important to follow cues from others so you pace your level of self-disclosure and you don't expect too much too soon. People make friends and learn to trust others at different speeds. Also keep in mind that not everyone will be open to connecting. That does not mean you're unlikable; it just means a particular person wasn't receptive. With thousands of students, staff, and faculty on campus, you'll have many opportunities to find people whom you truly connect.